I Want to Go Back to Tautra

January 19, 2020

“I want to go back to Tautra”
I speak out loud
Over and over
In longing
Necessity
My mantra
From the front porch
In the middle
of the quiet, dark night
Silent solitude
The wind whispers the words
Spirit?
Pneuma?
Ruah
The ground length cape
Of fine wool
Forest green
Encloses me
Warm and private
I am hidden
In the rainy winter cold

It is 48 years old

I pull the hood up
And am a monk
Solo
Alone
Reclused
A hermit
In a very loud
Need-filled
Extroverted
Busy
World

For 48 years

3:00 AM

January 3, 2020

It is quiet

Only the sprinklers speak in surprise

A distant train goes by

I can breathe now

Take in the deep

Solitude and silence

I must have

Is this time the only way to get it?

For me, now,

Yes

Thank you, God,

For the middle of the night

Even before vigils